Being a mindful listener to their stories

On 16/02/2020, a soul left his body, putting an end to the ordeal he and his family went through. Needless to say, his family will feel his absence for years to come. I wouldn’t describe more about the ordeal, however would let you read it here: 

https://inshameen.wordpress.com/2020/02/19/shades-of-cancer/

He was the father of my soul sister Shameen. We share a strong bond, where we both feel free to express, be vulnerable, laugh & cry as well and still not feel judged.

I will never fully understand the pain that she and her family went through however I can understand the loss as I lost my father when I was 15.

She documented her feelings during her father’s anguish and shared it with me. She asked me if it can be posted on her blog. I generally edit stuff and correct mistakes. On the contrary, here, her raw feelings had to be kept untouched. She posted it on her blog and shared it with few of her connections. She had varied types of responses. Few readers shared similar experiences and appreciated their step of taking her father to palliative care. People who were in opposition of their decision, framing it as “You’ll gave up too early” had their answers written all over their face. Some surreal critics were ready with their Edited-version of her blog post. Some felt it was too much in detail and rather long. When Shameen shared some of the responses with me, I was falling short of adjectives to describe such humans. Sigh!

With God’s grace, I had been blessed with sensitive humans around me all my life. Stupid, silly however they may be, they came with gallons of compassion, consideration and humanly sensitivity. Probably that’s why sometimes it makes me err when being exposed to insensitivity. 

Shameen and I had a discussion on this and we always do this “churning the knowledge”. We did it for this topic as well. We realised that sensitivity and compassion is not so common and it shouldn’t surprise us when we encounter a person ohne (without) compassion/consideration/sensitivity. To be sensitive to the other person, to understand the communication beyond the words is a “Gift”. I had this happy realisation that all my friends are beautifully gifted 🙂

To be understanding and taking the effort to look beyond that skin is something not everyone chooses to do. I have always been empathetic towards whoever came in connection with me and have considered their problems mine. One may not be able to provide a solution to every problem. However it doesn’t cost you any euro or bit of your highly “productive and busy” time to ask someone how they are and keep your ears open to the feelings that pour out. I believe that it is the least anyone can do. I had been assuming that “sensitivity” is quite common like the ability to touch and smell; my belief bubble had to break. It is not so.

Sometimes, it is the case that a person is not sensitive at all or isn’t sensitive to all. I would call it “Reserved/Private Sensitivity”.

Our five senses: to smell, to see, to touch, to taste, to hear connects us to a life. To hear someone’s voice brings us joy. Seeing a beautiful sunrise fills our mind with positivity. The touch of the soft palms of a baby, to smell your favourite dish cooked by your mum and to relish it which makes our stomach and heart content. These senses make us experience a life defined within the boundaries of our bodies. The 6th sense: to sense above/beyond what these five senses convey us, makes us connect with another soul, another realm in this Universe. To hear beyond the mere words, to see beyond the visuals our eyes see, to connect with another element of nature not deciphered directly by our 5 senses, is what the 6th sense does to us.

Sometimes a person likes to tell about his/her day, how busy work was, how delicious the lunch was, how difficult the client negotiation was, etc etc. But it takes patience & compassion to listen and look beyond what we see and understand beyond those words spoken. You will see that probably the smallest things give joy to this human, this human loves his work and likes to talk about it, this human is really working hard and wants some acknowledgement, so many subtle cries for attention, acknowledgement, affection & love.

I’am a good listener, do this quite often and I believed that I was understanding. However while I was in the middle of completing this blog, I had this reality check that I don’t understand. For a moment I would like to halt my blog ride and make an honest confession here. I believed all this while that I was compassionate and understanding of the unspoken feelings of my fellow humans. But guess I’m not. I get blinded by my emotions of anger and momentary outburst that I fail to understand. So I won’t say I’m good at it. Being failed several times, I would only say that I’m learning, though I fail, I never stop trying and learning from my failures. And I’m a Work.In.Progress of being a Good Human. #EndOfConfession.
Let’s resume the blog ride.

Speaking about patience and compassion, these are 2 of the most vital qualities a person in the medical field needs to have in order to heal the human they are treating, never to forget that they are treating a human and not a bag of diseases. I couldn’t assert more than Smriti Rana who is trying to give this message in her Ted Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbpF0XBfs0g

I hope she succeeds in making you understand what I’m trying to say here in this blog post.

Sadly, I would refrain myself from giving any further advice here, as I had thought when I started writing this blog. No wonder, credits to this reality check I had, I now know I still have some more miles to walk until I advise you to be compassionate and empathetic. Being at this point in my life, I also choose to be compassionate and kind to myself; for trying, for falling, then to rise with some mud smeared on my teeth, smile a wide grin and try again. 

So until then I hope the words of Smriti Rana help you to get going on the road of this growth as a Good Human. 

Signing off this blog with a colorful picture of spring flowers & beautiful quote by one of my favourite poets who makes you spend hours to understand a line which takes a minute to write. 

“Half of what I say is meaningless; but I say it so that the other half may reach you.” – Kahlil Gibran.