This wall of bricks or stones, I don’t know
how is so strong and tall.
I remember, it wasn’t there,
then, the air was free flowing.
There was crackling of joy,
from one end to the other.
The wind would dance
from one corner to the other.
Everything I ever wanted,
right in front of my eyes,
was dancing, jumping and bouncing.
I remember, the day the first brick was laid.
A line drawn between
my wishes, dreams, love and me.
A line drawn by my own
fears, anxieties, insecurities.
Step by step, the bricks were laid, of my
anger, hatred, lost faith.
Glued together by my
cries, sobs & screams.
I begged for mercy, called to
take down the wall.
Instead, for every call, a new brick
was laid one more.
I remember my trials
to break the wall.
With every kick,
the wall grew stronger.
And I, lost a handful of faith,
grew equally weaker.
I remember my trials
of mending the wall.
Screams didn’t help, so
silence I tried.
But with every second of silence,
the wall only grew taller.
Now, my silence is no longer seen,
my sobs no longer heard.
My self loathing, mercy & cry,
all mistaken, word per word.
Aimlessly now I stare
in the heights of the wall.
My gaze shifts to the blue sky.
I send a soft prayer across
to my dreams, wishes & love.
Sky will carry it across,
to him no boundaries are known.
I ask for a Saviour, a warrior of light
to break down
my fear, insecurities and disbeliefs.
To tear down, once and for all,
Note: I wrote this poem during one of those down times when I feel my world is breaking down and I have no control. This is a state when one feels that the life they desire is failing to be the reality and they are just a mute spectator of the un-reality.
Pain, is usually where intense emotions are felt and art is created. In the moments of pain, we understand ourselves much better. We sit with our fears and anxieties; name and tag them. When we come out of this phase, we are more aware and strong to take on our dreams and goals.
I shared this poem with my friend even before doing any edits. I said I feel like I’m a mad person sometimes to which she responded “All artist are mad”. That was a compliment wrapped in a joke and I was quite flattered by it 🙂
Amidst this pandemic situation, we should use this time to go within and know who we are, grow aware of our Yins & Yangs. So, hoping that you all stay safe, productive, positive and (in)sane during this lockdown period.